So I wake up this morning and as I always do 1st thing I look at my phone (subject for another post/another time), ok, more like I wake up and I squint at my phone, and I see a private message in my FB inbox from my friend, Paul. All it says is: I think you want to see this. Under that there’s a link. I’m thinking: UH OH and as I sit down to pee, I click on it. I’m still kinda sleepy and as it loads I’m thinking about my fabulous ablutions and about the coffee I’m about to make when that thought is brought to a GRINDING halt by a theme song from my past. Ummmm, no coffee could do what that sound did when it comes to instant alertness. Unfortunately, it’s the kind of thing that can only happen once, so, I will be going back to coffee for my wakey wakey.
I won’t go into the flood of nostalgia which pretty well consumed me but I will say that an icky thought about something that happened on set arose amidst all the other fun ones. An icky thought which brought with it all the icky feelings I then invited into my head and heart space: embarrassment, shame, you know the ones. All of them showed up to the party with a little self loathing chaser. This thought and the accompanying feelings are something which have come up from my memory ethers on several occasions over my 30 years post this event. The experience about which I thought this morning, which always elicits the same icky, is something I have never addressed or dealt with in this way. A public blog. Let me back up.
A LITTLE CANDID HISTORY:
The link (see below photos) I was sent was a link to a TV series on which I had the good fortune to be hired called, THE BEST TIMES (1985). It starred: Janet Eilber, Jim Metzler, Beth Ehlers, Tammy Lauren, me, Melora Hardin, Darren Dalton, David Packer, Jay Baker, KC Martel, and actors like Kurtwood Smith (That 70s Show) and Jane Krakowski (30 Rock), Doug Savant (Desperate Housewives), Michelle Greene (L.A. Law) guest starred. THE BEST TIMES ran on NBC for 6 episodes and died the death. I would have to watch more than what I did today to jog my memory but there were more “names” sprinkled in there. The ONE NAME that haunts me, however, is ED ZWICK. Yes Ed Zwick who, of anyone involved, has probably had THE MOST amazing career of us all. Ed has blessed us (the public, at large) with SO MANY great shows, feature films as a director and producer and continues to create and thrive. Not only is he talented but WHAT A NICE MAN he was and probably still is. On our set he was soft-spoken, gentle and quite lovely and so easy to talk to. He was the quiet one, the shy one and the one who (a couple of other actors) and I picked on/gave a hard time. I can’t speak for them so I will speak for myself. Gentle sweet Ed was someone to whom I was INCREDIBLY disrespectful. The way his (brilliant) mind was working was like a feature film director. When some of us got tired of “things taking so long” the “mean girls” games began. It’s not an excuse but I was a (head strong nightmare who was ego tripping) teenager, the show was about High School and I could tell you all ‘I am a “method” actor and played HS student who was also a tough chick so that’s how I treated everyone as an acting exercise’ and pretend I wasn’t being a TOTAL ASS HOLE, but I was. It was a show about High School and we we are behaving as if we were in Middle School …. YIKES. SO bad. There, I purged it. Do I feel better? IDK. Ed is probably way over it.
It isn’t so much of a “look where he is now and you shouldn’t have done that, what an idiot” but more of a “if I were on my death bed and had a little time to stew over stuff, this and other bad behavior over the years would bug me” so here I am and here we go.
MESSAGE TO ED ZWICK WHEREVER YOU ARE:
I AM SO SORRY I WAS SUCH A RAGING BUTT HOLE, ED. You deserved WAY better than what I gave you as a human being and an actress (who happened to be LUCKY enough to have crossed professional paths with you) even though I didn’t know it or know how to be grateful back then. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.
I will now go TOTALLY FAN GIRL on ya.
FAN GIRL PORTION:
OMG I have thoroughly enjoyed EVERY SINGLE THING with which you have graced the people. I admire you, and am grateful that you exist, grateful that I can say I worked with you, even though I was an irreverent shrew, and look forward to enjoying all of your future projects once they are for public consumption. I may go back and binge watch me some 30 Something and FAMILY while I am at it.
Thank you, and many blessings on you and yours, Ed.
You kinda rock.
xo Annette Demetriano
aka Liane Curtis
THE LINK TO NOSTALGIA and beyond ….